NAMSTA: Homies & Haters!

Namsta The Author
Jul 22, 2020
8 min read

Updated: Jan 4

According to the Oxford Dictionary, the definition of ‘friendship’ is described as a 'relationship between friends'.

Read on as I explore the good, the bad and the downright frugly sides of friendships.

Side note: This post is dedicated to the beautiful souls I’m so blessed to call my homies #LoveYall

HOMIES…The #MzBQ Girls

Friendship. I don’t know if you’ll agree but despite the Oxford Dictionary definition, I think the context of this word has a unique meaning to each of us.

I’d be lying if I said the characters from ‘The Urban Tales of Mz. Bumper Queen’ fiction series weren’t somewhat inspired by my friends and I when we were in our late teens, early twenties.

Marcia aka Mz. Bumper Queen

The leader of the pack, larger than life Marcia has an energetic passion for partying ‘ard with her girls and stuffing her face with the world’s culinary delights. Cheeky, bubbly and kind with a reputation for being a little on the dramatic side, Marcia certainly puts the letter ‘D’ into ‘diva’.

Johanna aka Jo-Jo

Cool as she is laidback, Marcia’s best friend Johanna often refers to herself as the Ghanaian Carrie Bradshaw. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Johanna is one social butterfly fashionista renowned for working her natural ‘boss lady’ swagger to the maximum.

Jade aka Twinny

With pretty, angelic looks and a butter wouldn’t melt smile, Marcia’s childhood friend Jade is a prime example of why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Loyal, blunt, and extremely honest, those who have encountered Jade are warned to cross this pint-sized beauty at their own peril!

Shauna aka Legz

Shauna sometimes referred to as ‘legz’, is Marcia’s shyest buddy and Jade’s cousin. Give Shauna the slightest taste of a Funky House tune or Soca jingle though and she quickly loses her inhibitions and reports to that dance floor.

Getting up Close and Personal with Namsta… #MixUpMandy the Hater?

Speaking of friends and close bonds, one aspect of friendship which is totally non-negotiable for me is without a doubt, LOYALTY. No seriously. I can’t think of anything more unnerving than hanging out with the fraudulent homie in question and then having to check your back afterwards for stab wounds.

Unfortunately, I talk from experience on this. Whew chile…very recent experience in fact. Foooookin’ HELL (pardon my French), it was a huge shock to the system indeedy.

Although gorging on TV reality shows such as ‘Love and HipHop’ (don’t judge me!) is one of my guilty pleasures, when it comes to my private life I avoid drama like the plague mate. Noooo thank you Ma’am.

While I’m not at liberty to divulge this drama, guest starring (an unsuspecting) me and the said ‘friend’ (a term I use ooooh-so very loosely) at a micro level, it really got me thinking about the definition of a genuine friend.

Long story cut short, this particular #MixUpMandy took it upon herself to try out her amateur Iyanla Vanzant skills on a sensitive situation I had naively confided in her about, without-my-permission-or-knowledge. Oh yes, liberty taking 101. Let’s just say the doo-doo storm following the realisation of what this bleeping bell-end had actually done, has nuffin’ on today’s TV soap dramas #HeadacheDotCom

Ahh the #MixUpMandys of the world certainly keep things interesting but I wish they’d leave it to the professionals.

While it was a gut punching disappointment to discover that I had such a deceptive and disloyal homie in my friendship circle, I give thanks to the Most High for bringing #MixUpMandy’s inflammatory characteristic to the surface (PHEW *prayer hands emoji*).

As the old saying goes, ‘Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and forever to repair’ so it’s no surprise that #MixUpMandy’s season in my life is finato. Keeping it realer than real though (as I do), I’m a big believer that people come into your life as either a blessing or lesson. While I was mistaken for many years in genuinely believing that #MixUpMandy’s core value system aligned with mine, we did have some boombastic times, so I have no regrets.

Also, I can’t deny that #MixUpMandy’s sharp business acumen and boss lady movements are second to none – very inspirational. When all is said and done, I feel that #MixUpMandy’s deceit was less to do with being a hater and more dare I say, a dangerous mix of idle fingers with a blatant lack of respect for boundaries. And we move…onwards and upwards.

LeMonk: ***My Brother from Another Mother*…Gone but Never Forgotten**

Growing up in an environment which didn't always cater for naturally straight talkers like myself, brought challenges of its own on occasion. During the times when I was apprehensive about sharing my true thoughts for fear of offending, I took to journaling my feelings - a habit which has stuck with me to present day.

When I look back, I often found myself trying to dance to other people’s beat to fit in, especially in the workplace. To be honest during the early stages of my career, being an outspoken Black East Londoner (alright, alright Essex bird!) working in a corporate setting initially took some getting used to. Rigidity and stuffy rules weren’t exactly my thang-a-lang back then. When I wasn’t dutifully carrying out my Communications Assistant related tasks, I took to serenading fellow staff members with my gifted vocals. It wasn’t until Michael Monk (whom I affectionally call ‘LeMonk’) arrived, I found a kindred spirit to join me in my random madness.

I could wax lyrical forever and a day about the sheer amount of shenanigans LeMonk and myself used to get up to together. Hand on heart, what I appreciated most about this amazing human being, was that he encouraged me to be unapologetically myself.

LeMonk didn’t even seem to mind my reputation in the office for not exactly being the most touchy, feely of peeps either. In fact, it made for a great source of live entertainment when he would mimic the way I hugged people (usually from a two-metre distance).

Despite my aversion to public displays of affection (some things will never change), LeMonk and I instantly bonded over our love of music, Barbour jackets, Clarks Desert Trek boots and oooh yeah, those yummy chicken katsu wraps (if you know then you know). LeMonk’s dry sense of humour and hilarious travel stories could always brighten up the most mundane of days. His zest for life was undoubtedly infectious.

Chicken Katsu Wrap Time: My favourite desk neighbour eveeerrrr!

Whether it was discussing tactics for pushing myself up the corporate ladder or sharing valuable pearls of marketing wisdom in relation to the original #MzBQ fiction series launch, LeMonk was not only a relentlessly supportive friend who always believed in me even when I didn’t, he was like the big brother I never had.

As you've probably gaged by now, I have so many fantastic memories of LeMonk in and outside of the office. One of my favourites though, has got to be when we arranged a Communications Team Sound Clash competition which took place on Friday afternoons. Considering the team was full of first-class music connoisseurs, it was every man for himself. You’ll be pleased to know however; I was officially crowned the Sound Clash Queen #YeahYeah #MusicIsMyBae

I know I'm not alone in saying that so many hearts broke in August 2018 when LeMonk announced that he had been diagnosed with stage four cancer. As if that wasn’t devastating enough, his wife Lauren was just a matter of weeks away from giving birth to their first child.

I can’t even begin to verbalise the massive amount of courage and strength LeMonk showed in battling this aggressive form of cancer. His determination to beat it was so inspirational especially with the arrival of his beautiful daughter.

On Saturday 20th July 2019, LeMonk passed away aged 38 leaving the world feeling like a very cruel place to be in. As quoted by LeMonk’s wife Lauren, he was “a man made for fatherhood” and it’s brutal this opportunity was snatched away from him.

Gentleman LeMonk

There are no words to convey the positive impact LeMonk has had on my life for which I am eternally grateful. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about this incredible man. LeMonk was so kind, funny, an insanely creative genius and generous with his time. In addition to LeMonk being the epitome of a genuine homie, I'm well honoured I legitimately get to call him my friend. For me and so many others, LeMonk is a total LEGEND in every sense of the meaning!

LeMonk often spoke about packing up and heading to Portugal to open a bar and drive around the country in a camper van with Lauren. Keen to understand LeMonk’s love of Portugal, this year I spent my birthday weekend there and well, I can’t wait to return when this blinking pandemic is over…. Cheers for the heads up LeMonk, Portugal is gawjus ;-)! (*Big red heart emoji*)

Squad Goals: My Real-Life Heroes and Inspirations

Ok so Covid-19 has literally ripped the backside out of the world as we know it. On one hand, we’re living through a crisis in which millions are fearing for their lives just as much as they are their livelihoods. Yet on the other hand, factors such as increased community spirit, lower pollution levels, new innovations to help us stay better connected and remote working becoming the norm is a positive. There’s no getting away from the fact this disruptive pandemic has tested all manner of relationships in one way or another. This is certainly true of friendships whether the impact has been a positive or negative one.

As seen with the #MzBQ characters, their different personalities bring diversity in how they view their relationships with each other. Bearing that in mind, I feel this is the same with friendships in real life. I guess it’s the storyteller in me, but I’ve always been fascinated by people from all walks of life. I'm fortunate in that working in the Employee Experience field has enabled me to collaborate with colleagues from around the globe. That's why more often than not, I try to take folk as I find them.

I would say this is most certainly true of my eclectic friendship circle. Each friend adds a different value to my life to which I count as a blessing. Whether it’s my day one homies and or friends I’ve made in more recent years, I’m massively inspired by their personal journeys. From single mothers juggling careers, mortgages and life changing illnesses while raising young families, to those who quietly overcame battles the people surrounding them weren't even aware they were fighting.

As I reminisce about my first girly holiday which ended in each of us slamming the taxi van shut while hissing under our breaths and vowing never to speak to those bishes again, twenty-five years or so deep in dis’ friendship ting; I’m pleased to announce we eventually got over ourselves.

I think it's a proper blessing to have a friend who sincerely takes you as you are – socially distanced hugs (before they were actually a ‘thing’) and all. In my opinion the beautiful thing about being human is that no one’s perfect so we'll make mistakes from time-to-time. To say the least, mistakes can be great opportunities for growth in my book. If recent events are anything to go by, nobody knows what tomorrow will bring so it makes sense to enjoy the here and now. I don’t know about you but with life being short, I always try my darndest not to take anything or anyone for granted.

My pal Ronald’s recent WhatsApp status (*big red heart emoji*) honestly couldn’t resonate with me more...